I had a great discussion with Nicole regarding the story. She pointed out all the holes in the plot so far and she was bang on. At the end we agreed on the following changes
- An ancient civilization was the one that created a super non-physical creature that has mental powers beyond any thing known. The intent was to combine it with a human giving the human healing and mental powers beyond anything known. It was the next step in the human evolution.
- There was one man opposed to the unethical practice, Storm, saying just cause we can, we shouldn't.
- The creature though felt imprisoned and thought that it's so much better than these humans, turns evil and overtakes a few people turning them into monsters. The monster broke out of its contamination and used its power to destroy this civilization, turning people on each other. He enjoys seeing them destroy each other, consumed with hatred for them for thinking that they made him a slave. Storm was able to lead an exodus from this city. He was a scientist and was able to invent something to make himself immune to the mind controlling power of the monster.
- Storm led the people out of the city and erected a forcefield to lock the monster in and hide the city from view. The monster inside can't get in, and no one outside can go in. The monster left imprisoned in a destroyed society and with no one to bond with becomes weak and has to go in a special status pod that keeps him alive. The only way to get out of the status pod is if someone enters the status pod. Then the monster can bond with him.
- The longer the creature remains bonded to a person, the more that person becomes integrated into the monster and soon he becomes completely absorbed and the person is no longer there. Then the monster needs to find someone else.
- There are two ways the person overtaken by the monster be freed. One he has to will him away, which is practically impossible given that the monster has such strong mind controlling power. The second is to use a specific device to pry the monster off. But then the monster can over take another person.
- The people whom Storm led out from the city, got rid of their technology and intermarried with the people of the land.
- Storm is the only one who had the key to the forbidden city and he kept it a secret until the day of his death.
- As truth faded and became legend the story was changed to what we now know (already written in the first episode)
- Storm married and had a family. Danny is one of his descendants and he has this ability not to fall under the influence of the monster.
I think this is leaps and bounds better than what we had. I'll have to do a rewrite of the episodes I have to accommodate this change. It also provides material for more episodes so Eliza and Danny discover all these details.why are they both named stormit sounds like hes the descendantWhich one are you reading?My scribbles are kinda confusing... I just put a bunch of ideas downThe storyline broken into episodes should be more clear... but this is just the first draftBasically, old man Storm is the father he has two kids John and Eliza... The "savior" who defeated the monster originally is named Storm as well... (you're right he's suppose to be the desendant)i think that gives it away too much having the same namegood point. So far I didn't add much in terms of working that relationship between the ancestor and the descendent... any good ideas to tie these together?Still reading ep 7what kind of world is thismagic?ordinary?what is chaos's relation to all of thisis he a long lost brotherhow does he know about the monster story and storm does butother people dont reallyor is it public knowledge that people just ignore?has chaos been to the other world before and seen what kind fo power is out there?otherwise what is his motivationand how does he know what he needs to unlock this poweralso i feel like if she was close enough to see her brother fall from the aircraft chances are all those years she probably would have found him already, especially if he wasnt captive... wait but when was his mind erased?Chaos wants to uproot the system. He has this belief that the system is corrupt (trying to work on a motivation. I'm thinking he's been screwed by the system. This gives him a point of intersection with John who feels the same way). He wants to destroy the system and bring chaos to the world, because he thinks out of this chaos something better will come out ... still need to work on that a bit.i REALLYYYYIt's not really another world. It's just the pastlikes the ghosts controlling your mindliked*that was a great concept/ imageryso if the puzzle she unlocked didnt open a portal to another world..they went back in time?wouldnt the ghosts still be around in present day thenIt's a legend. The idea was that Storm used chaos' money to fund the research and when storm realized the potential power that chaos could get if he got his hand on the signet, he decied to mislead him.ok that's another piece to clarify... The forbidden city has been hidden away, so that nothing inside can get out..(these are really great points Nicole... It's making me think more about it)Do you have any suggestions?hmmfor some reason i didn't like her being a copi felt like it wasn't powerful enough to be a reason for chasing after chaosI started by having her as a "private investigator", but seemed like a cop made sense from an investigative point of viewalso cop reminds me of once upon a time tv seriesthe main girl is a copso what do you think she should be?and they now and again travel back and forth between real life and the fairytale landwhich reminded me of this a cop who lives in a modern world but theres a seperate worldlike maybe make her more specialif ghosts and monsters exist in real lifehow so?monster hunter?and she is a descendant of storm she must be born with some thign special that allows her to be more than just an average eprsonwhile still living in the modern worldthats how u figure out shes related to the original stormsorry typing fast.. making a mess of my wordsI like continue your train of thoughtor she has a family birth mark we find outhmmWhat is this ability that she would have?she doesnt notice danny but he lives herwhat if danny is just an average guy but can somehow help her in a wayhow so?that makes him seem more valuable to her... or shes sees him differentkind of when she was going crazy with the ghosts in her headso her ability is that she sees ghosts?Or maybe senses things before they happen?i think thats just a disabilityooo visionscan see someones next movethats how she knows how to track chaosor where things will be?are you watching manifest?no lolIt has a similar concept... the people on the aircraft which traveled 5 years into the future, get "callings"but thats also in sabrina too now that i think about itokokIt helps them figure out things before they happenwhats something thats hasnt been overdoneor for examplelets go back to the startI was originally thinking about having her very good with pattern solving... nothing extradinaryhow could storm beat the monsterwhy was storm differenthe was just good at patterns and knew how to be 10 steps ahead?lolThe monster gets its power when people obey it. It feeds off the misery they cause. And the more people do evil things the more power it getsso people turn into the monster ex. johnYesdoes that mean the original monster is someone already?Original Storm rallied the people against the mosterchaos's past family?hmmm.. interesting ideamaybe let's go to the legend firstwhat is so bad about the monster?give me a secI have to set up my laptopi can talk for a little just htought it be easieror just keep typinggonna go to the bathroom then lolping me when you're backI haveit setupcan you hear me?https://www.turbosquid.com/3d-models/rigging-skin-3d-model/747409https://www.turbosquid.com/FullPreview/Index.cfm/ID/934143Gengar has the ability to hide perfectly in the shadow of any object, granting it exceptional stealth. However, Gengar's body acts as a heat sink. Its presence cools the temperature of the surrounding area by nearly 10 °F (5 °C), because it absorbs the warmth. In addition, Gengar possesses the ability to fly through the air and possess people. Gengar is very mischievous, and at times, malicious. It enjoys playing practical jokes and casting curses, such as pretending to be one's shadow, then behaving erratically. When the quarry notices, the Gengar takes delight in its victim's terror. However, Gengar has been known to be loyal to a Trainer who treats it well. Gengar lives in shadows of rooms, caves, and dark places where shadows form. It is especially fond of urban areas such as cities and back alleys, but only during the night.this is randombut i was looking for ancient words for shadow or darkness to maybe give a name to the monsterand i found this funnyIn Greek mythology, Erebus /ˈɛrɪbəs, -əb-/, also Erebos (Ancient Greek: Ἔρεβος, Érebos, "deep darkness, shadow" or "covered"), was often conceived as a primordial deity, representing the personification of darkness; for instance, Hesiod's Theogony identifies him as one of the first five beings in existence, born of Chaos.it mentions chaos hahahai thought the crepuscule was a cool work too haha but it means twilight... not that powerfulword*